It Has Been Difficult
I’ve been throwing myself into my writing as much as I can; school is still killing me. I cannot deny that I hate everything about the university life. I have no interest in anything it might offer me outside a chance to make a wage I can live on. Even though I’ve barely started at the main campus, I still don’t think it likely that I will ever feel at ease here. It’s such a change, so intimidating and impersonal. Generally, when not in class or work, I find a corner to read and write in and be left alone.
I’ve been pursuing a Ray Bradbury strategy of writing a story a week, and seeing what comes of it. At the moment I have a number of stories with enough common themes that might be compiled in a novel/collection. It is an idea I am toying with, but I do not want to commit too much before I’ve written more and am sure of the path.
I don’t know how long this will take. Maybe a year. I’m already certain that I need to take some time off once this semester is over. I doubt I’ll do much over the summer but keep myself occupied in writing.
I think a lot now about how far I’ve come; it doesn’t seem very far. But then I think of people I know who struggled for years dropping in and out of goals and generally having a confusing time of deciding what they were doing. It seems to be a fait accompli of mine to flounder a bit, but at least I’m still in school and staying on more-or-less the same path as when I started. It’s just taking me slightly longer than I thought it would, is all.
Writing is everything to me now. It seems to be the only thing, apart from reading, I do enough of to be marginally good at and enjoy. I don’t know if it will ever come to anything, but I do know that I cannot stop and still feel like me. If there is anything I’ve learned in college that is actually worth knowing, it is that I am not a good fit for a normal, straightforward life, and that the Real World has nothing I want.
I’m going to keep at it. No matter how difficult it gets, no matter how I despair of anything more practical, I will not stop writing.